So today I haven't been to bad.. I guess.

So far i've had

Parma ham - 60 calories
Pasty - Around 400
2x porfiterole - around 100ish - in 5 theres around 300 but im guestimating so ill go for 100.


so 560 calories :S ewewew.

bit more than yesturday.. so on a positive side my bodys being tricked slightly into thinking its getting more food.. i guess :S

These past few days I've been caught up moving. I'm finally getting a house with my own room!! I helped my mom move all the crap we have in boxes from our apartment to the house. I bet I burned thousands of calories these three days. Huge boxes going up and down lots of stairs. I did good.

I know I should be happy this is happening but I'm not: I think I'm getting my period. Ohmygod. I haven't gotten it since september but I guess it my christmas present. Great I get to be bloated and fat, the complete opposite from what I wanted to be.. :(

day 2 of my sort of fast. i ate a banana today so i'm kindof allowing myself only liquids and veggies or fruit (but limited fruit). I had a banana and ice coffee so far. down 1 pound from yesterday but still feel huge. how is everyone? yesterday i wasn't hungry but i had a hard time sleeping for some reason. i kept waking up in the middle of the night really dizzy. how are you all?

i'm meeting up with m.p. tonight. the plan is that he picks me up (something i rarely get to experience since i have to drive my bf everywhere) around 7, go to my bff's house where her bf will be, get some take-out, come home, watch a movie, a have some drinks. i don't care what happens as far as the future is concerned with this guy. prob nothing seeing as i have a bf and he has a gf, but we're both miserable and won't end our current relationships (that's another story altogether) so i'm just going to bask in the fact that simply talking to this guy has motivated me to go for a swim last night. also, i know i'm in no danger of eating over my  700 cals limit because there wil be touching involved and since he's sexy it makes me want to be sexy.

Soooo... I feel like this is going really slowly. Like I don't know, its been two weeks and I've lost like 12lbs. But my house smells like christmas cookies and I get my carbs back today so I'm a little nervous. Like I know I'm breaking my diet friday- no question. It's fucking Christmas. But I've just been having these cravings! I don't think I havent a problem with eating healthy, I think its the fact that I'm eating the same healthy stuff every day. Part of me just wants to eat fruit and veggies all day and for dinner, grab pizza lol I miss pizza. I dunno though. This is the least I've weighed in a while and I don't want to screw it up but if I totally deprive myself everyone may wake up to me eating a hunk of pepperoni and a whole thing of cheese rocking back and forth in a corner in the dark.

starting the lemon diet tommorow :)

"As we approach this holiday season is there any rhyme or reason?
That good will shouldn't abound?
To and through us the whole year round?"


So today is interesting..
I've been making a copy of the starry night night painting by Van Gogh & its a lot harder then I thought. :P I finally got more paint.

So far today I've had half of a light yoplait yogurt.
I just had to place something in my stomach so people would stop asking if I was hungry >.<

Adam is getting a cell phone today.. his grandparents offered to pay for it.
So all day he's been bouncing around like a 6 year old in a toy store.

its cute & extremely annoying.. because not only does he not need it but now he'll never place it down & I'm slightly jealous because mine is still turned off.

I actually need mine on for a job and for when i'm coming to and from classes in the snow.. & tomorrow we're going to have an extremely shitty snow storm and i'm not looking forward to it at all.

Oh well.
-shoots self-


I think i'm getting sick. I've been extremely cold all day and my throat hurts and my nose is all runny.

eww.

i'm also still lacking sleep. :(



I most likely wont be able to update till after january 4th. I'll be all over the united states.

So I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday.
Stay safe, Stay warm... but remember think thin, keep your goals don't let yourselves down :)


you can do it.


Much love.Stay strong.

(whisper)-Merry Christmas-(whisper)

:)


xoxo.raelynn.xoxo.

 Hey everyone!

Just thought I'd (finally) introduce myself. I've watched this community for a bit and decided to join. I've been ana since I was 14 in middle school, but it's been on and off throughout the years. I just started the ABC today, which I've tried before and was unsuccessful at completing. Have any of you tried it and had luck with it? 

Oh yea, I'm 22 and live with my mom in Minnesnowta. lol 

I hope you all have a wonderful day~~

i reached my first goal weight (YAY!) but that was last Wednesday and i've been stuck since then (BOO!). I keep going up and down and up and down. The end result is that my weight is going down more than up, but all of those FRACKING UPS ARE SLOWING DOWN MY WEIGHTLOSS....

Hey today isn't going so well: I was going to go healthy for the hols: so that nobody suspects anything:
but I find it easier to restrict that the diet "healthy" some how I always end up binding that way.

Breakfast: Coffee with Milk- 50cals, 3 cookies- 150cals

Lunch- 1 Bread (200) with Tomatoe(40) and Mozerella(60) and Butter(50) - 350
1/2 Bread(100) with Salmon(70) and Cremecheese(50)-  220
1/2 Bread(100) with Butter(50) and ham (50) - 200
Tangerines*2- 30
Yougurt- 170

Total- 1120cals

Holy Mac, thats a lot. :S But I said I can have 1200cals today. "its healthy" but I feel shit about it. :(
Anyway tonight I will just drink water or sumthang: I should be fine.
I can't wait for the new year: 2010 will be my year: THE YEAR I REACH MY GW! 
Hope you are all well and safe.
Luv, Lola

And there's one on for these workout DVDs called Insanity.
It sounds really hard. And like a really good workout. They say if you really push yourself you could burn up 1000 calories per workout.
I really really desperately want these workout dvds. It's 120 dollars.
So I go on ebay and someone's selling it for a dollar.
I'm super super super tempted to buy it.
They even have a return policy.
I want it so badly.
but I know I won't get it.
D=
Has anyone heard of this workout? It sounds intense. And really wonderful.

Today,  I wore my peach blouse and heelless Bohemian slippers. I let my hair untied. I stared at the mirror. I looked pretty enough, wasn't I?

'cause I want him to see me simply as pretty as possible...

But I didn't he know he dumped me. Fucking gosh. He stared at my feet. Did he find them ugly or in a weird shape? I was regret for not wearing shoes. I guess he should know that... My feet was just having a therapy and at the moment I am in recovery days.

But I look pretty, right?

Unlike last time, I guess he's totally forgot that I, was the special one for him. Two weeks of my absence had making him forgot the feeling.He didn't know that... in two weeks ago, I was in a feet therapy. He didn't even pay much attention to me. Shit.

And when I came home, I stared into the mirror once again. My hair was as its most gorgeous curls. My cheek was healthily pinkish and my lips was at its nicest natural red colour, without any lipstick, nor lipgloss. I don't look pale anymore, unlike during my therapy days. I, am already healthy.

Then I said to myself; yes, I did look pretty...

But what's wrong with me that you don't even find me attractive like the last time we've met? :(

Gosh, I felt I wanna drink liquors back and losing my conscience for some time. T_T

I did one of those - wake up in the middle of the night and you're smack in the middle of a gnarly anxiety attack. There's no breathing through it before it starts, it's just here. On top of it all, I have some nausea, which triggered my phobic anxiety (i'm a emetophobic)

I know that missing two days of zoloft DIDNT help. I feel horrible about it, and hate that I forgot. This is defintely a reminder on why to take it. I had been doing great remembering these last couple months.And I'm in that place where I am TOO anxious to take a benzo.

Breathe. Breathe!

ok i think its safe to say that my relationship is at breaking point. and its all down to me being so anxious and taking it out on him by picking at all the things with trigger my GAD, (being indecisive or slow to reply etc.). i dont know what to do i just want to hit myself ove the head to stop all of these unforgivable thoughts.

Hey everyone,
My name is Lola and I'm 17 years old.
I've had EDnos for 2 years now.
I'm new to this site, I hope that I am welcome to make new friends.
Luv Lola

 hey all, i have not been on here in like a month!!!
i spent some time on sunny beaches :)

meaning i was on holiday, meaning i ate a lot and exercised a little...sigh...
not too much weight gain though!

as of today...
it's my birthday ( which is nice, but honestly it feels like any other day, besides the fact that i got the most amazing shoes ever)
other than that...

I HAVE NO APPETITE!
its bloody fantastic!

i hope you are all doing well :)

think thin ladies 

p.s. brittany murphy's death, she was beautiful and talented, i was really saddened when i heard the news :( RIP 

or are there less comments on posts? maybe cos of holidays or something?

i got diuretics and laxatives today. i insisted that my grandma was in the rest home and she has 'issues' and needed something quite strong. luckily for me, it seemed to work, i think.
my best friend is coming tomorrow but i just read that flights in Europe are canceled and I'm nervous in case something happens.

hope all is well
xox